New Beginnings, but where to start

 It has been some time since I posted about high heel jobs, having an affair and all that stuff.

Currently I am back with my, and I am working at foursquare. So much has happened these past few years, I couldn't possibly put it all in this post. But I think I should just look forward instead of backwards. 

My daughter is now nine years old. I am still not qualified in anything  - well kind of, like I don't have a formal qualification from a University. At the moment I am looking at doing a course to become a legal executive. I don't know why I am doing it or why I've chosen it, but to me it just seems like the best option to get a qualification worth talking about online, from a reputable provider. I want to take my time with it and just do two papers to begin with to build up some momentum and so not to overwhelm myself with being a Mum and working part-time. 

I see Opotiki as a place of growth, I have been here for ten years now and I have had many experiences, some better than others, but I've definitely learnt new things and gained more skills. I'm trying to create a mindset where I am okay to press the reset button, and start something fresh - hence the applying to Open Polytechnic to do a legal executive course. I have to start somewhere and I am at an age where I am mature enough to take things slowly and learn as I go. With phlebotomy it was okay, but I felt huge pressure to succeed and it didn't do me any good. For me succeeding in silence works best, instead of talking about it, it's best just to be about it and do it. That way there is less pressure and less expectations, less questions about progress altogether. I'm good at caring about what people think and this tends to hinder my motivation, because i feel like i am no longer doing it for myself anymore but other people. 

Anyway, Opotiki is a place where a lot of things are happening, and the future looks a little bright. If I want to create opportunities for myslef i have to be in a position to be able to take them, and one of the ways i can prepare myself is getting a qualification. Being a legal exeutive doesnt necessarily mean i work in a law office, but it means i will have a chance to work in government, in companies, property development and courts. I want to be in a position where i have the ticket and then i can grow from there. i have learnt that i can't work and learn at the same time its too stressful. Even though i will be working at foursquare itll be easier because its unrelated and i won't have he pressure from my boss to perform at work and study in order to be competent.  

I hope that the opportunities that arise, are meant for me somehow, or that I will be in a position to take hold of them and not be overwhelmed. I want to be able to put the work in now to prepare me for later. The reason why i dont want to dive in right now is because i had a nervous breakdown last year and i dont want to stress myself out. I could easily try and rearrange my cv and find a job in a law office somewhere but i dont want to set myself up to fail. I just want to focus on slowly getting to where i need to be and being able to put in a reasonable amount of effort in all areas of my life. in the past its either been work or study or being a mum that took precedent in my life not all three at the same time. and now is that time for all three to have equal measure in my life. It sounds like an ideal situation, to be employed, be a good mum and study at the same time. I just hope im not dreaming. i suppose if the time i spend looking at social media i can be spending on study then it doesn't sound so bad. I just hope that i can enjoy the journey. 

I guess, the goal is to pass the qualification, and then eventually things will fall into place. I just want to be able to say I have a qualification and this is it. I'm a legal executive - or whatever I haven't even been accepted yet. I am so good at repeating myself but I think what i mean is i hope this is all worth it actually. I need to make sure that the next move im making is going to be a good one. I guess, im not doing anything wrong with applying anyway no harm done at all - I just hope i can actually grab the opportunity and see it through. i feel that i will. I bought a laptop and a printer for a candle company i wanted to start but ive put it on hold becuase its so expensive. At least this way I'll have anathor use for it - to study. Yay me. 

Letters you will never recieve.

When the going gets tough

 So I know many of you that choose to read this blog are either close to me or far away. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my content. 

I hope it can help you think about things that may be on top for you. 

I would like to mention that anything on this blog should not be interpreted incorrectly and you should only read this if you have intentions of reading for the pleasure of reading. 

Blogs were once a thing that lots of people got into prior to social media and of course were a great outlet for aspring writers to practice this art. 

No colloquial language or cryptic nonsense is to be had with what is quite rightly just pure passion for the written word. 

Writing from the heart and making yourself vulnerable is one of the things people can often fail to do with the idea that the wrong people may set eyes on it. 

I write out of pleasure, and it brings me joy. Once upon a time I wanted to be a writer, thought about a name I could hide behind but now I have been exposed in different settings I think I may as well just use my own name. 

This is my ode to freedom and self-expression and I am so grateful that I get to express myself in such a way that allows me to relax and think and go with the flo with the rhythm of being human. 

Just like yourself I have struggled and I thik if you can read this from a perspective of knowing who you are and where you came from no matter where you are in the world then this is the blog for you.

Bear in mind that this will not be something to read to forsake you.

How do you make money selling candles?

This is a question posed when I decided I wanted to create a candle business. The short answer is well there isn’t one. The way someone runs their business is completely up to them. But the answers that I found were varying. 

On a Facebook page someone said they hadn’t made Any money until two years into the business. She was lucky that she had her husband support her while she did it. 

Personally I haven’t made any money doing this. You probably wonder why I bother. Well I've chosen to start small and part of doing that is just maintaining the candle making as a hobby, where I spend the amount I need to for supplies, and sell them at the same price it cost me to buy materials and not paying myself for the time it takes to make the candles. 

You are probably still wondering – which is fine. But I work full-time and this is just supposed to be my side hustle. I want to make money eventually but it isn’t the goal. The goal is to refine the process and then scale up as I get better at making candles, have regular stockists and a scent range that suits my style and what I think is missing from the candle market. I am happy I've done this because it gives me a chance to play around with my tastes and other peoples preferences before I commit to any one scent type, candle jar, supplier, or even stockist. I’m feeling the market, learning, getting to know my craft and enjoying the process as opposed to chasing profit. I’m keeping money in the mind – don’t you worry, I'm just taking my time with it and not diving into it all headfirst, otherwise that’ll take the fun out of it. 

The other reason why Im not so worried about money was because this was supposed to be an exercise for me to retrain my brain and learn a new skill. I had been on some pretty heavy medication after I had a mental health episode and I wanted to get creative and do something different. So on top of recovery and working and being a mum, I want to make sure that I am enjoying candle making before I think about money otherwise I may as well call it another job, and who wants to keep working? I’d much rather just go with the flow. But if you did want to make money with candles heres what you do

Learn the craft

Learn how to actually make a candle. I suggest buying a candle kit and looking at the instructions so you get a feel for it. Look up candle science and other candle makers on youtube to figure out the different ways to make candles and how to troubleshoot them if anything goes wrong

Buy cheap supplies

Don’t go over board with buying ingredients and use second hand items to melt your wax in. You can buy cheap candle jars online through candle supply stores online

Calculate your candle materials before you buy them 

Make sure you are looking at your candle recipe and buying what you need for a batch of candles. 

Make and sell one batch at a time 

Sell in bulk lots so you make your money back quickly

Pay yourself 

Pay yourself for the time it takes to make a batch of candles – this can be any amount you choose! Know your worth. 

Look for stockists 

Find places that will compliment your candles that you can sell your candles in and establish a wholesale and retail price based on your cost of materials and time it took you to make them 

Fragrances

Choose a variety of fragrances that speak to you or that a different to what is already out available, you can also make your own custom blends.

Labelling

Do your own labelling, over time this can be expensive if you get them professionally done. Buy a printer and find an app to make your labels on with your business name and logo. You will also need to have warning labels you can either make yourself or buy premade. The label should also include the net weight of the candle scent type and burning time. 

Seek advice

Seek advice from other creatives and candle makers and accountants, join facebook groups, and watch you tube channels to better help you understand what you are doing and answer any burning questions (pun intended) along the way. 

Long time no post

Hi there,

I thought I'd better update this, it seems to be a bit of waste of space to me this page, but I suppose its kind of handy. Its also a bit embarrasing reading my old posts. I started to write this about four years ago with aspirations of being a writer. Anyone can be a writer. Anyway that never happened, I decided to become a nurse instead, because it is a challenge, and I'm not sure I'm that great at writing anyway. But I will say that I was taught how to write and edit my work while I was in primary school, big ups to my teacher for teaching me how to write like a pro.
 So in 2013 i decided I wanted to be a nurse and I started my journey mid 2013 doing a foundation skills course at the Waiariki Institue of Technology. I passed with flying colours and now I am in my second year of nursing. Please note I skipped the first year all the gory details of my first year in study because it was horrible. it deserves its own post. This is just an update because I feel the need. I am finding it quite difficult to manage all the leftover paperwork from my previous years study its ridiculous, so my mission is to somehow organise it. I am in need of a proffessional student guru who can tell me how they managaed to either save, throw away and organised their essential pieces of hard work aka notes and handouts. It is driving me crazy. I suppoose I should think about what I am actually going to need at the end of my study because this is after all the beginning of my proffessional career and all this stuff is either going to be relevant or irrelevnt right? But I am sure ith my research skills I am going to adopt along the way I will be able to find the information I need.... So I should just throw away the clutter....

 I'm officially a horarder of paper stuff. Feel free to give me some sound advice.

Shell-Bell

BLACK AND WHITE

 I have found that when you live your life, you work to either help others - or not, there is no "in-between".

 

 

Oyster anyone?

Constantly I am being reminded of my "youthfullness". With being a youth, it means I have a lot to offer, I know nothing, and I can't be set in my ways because there hasn't been enough time for my "ways" to set. Which means that I am the perfect type of person for older people to put upon their  advice.  I'm sure I have heard the same advice more than once, but it is very much appreciated.

"The world is your oyster. You are young and pretty and smart, don't let it go to waste aye"

So many people have said  that to me. 
 Right now though we find ourselves at that in-between stage where you aren't a kid and then you aren't really an adult either. I like to think in some cases I'm  "kid" , and in others I'm an adult, for example if I was to go out for the night I'd expect not to be waited on, because I am "of age" by law, and whether the people that are meant to be responsible for us like it or not, we are in fact responsible for our own actions, no matter how absurd they may be, we can only save ourselves. 
 In the case where I would be seen as a child or even when it is acceptable, is when I am in a situation where I am out-numbered by people who are older than me. Which usually puts me in a position instantly where my manners are on the money, and I am on my best behaviour, and keep my foul language to a minimum or none at all.I guess this seems to happen to people no matter how old they are.
 It is very hard to let the older adults know what we are faced with when it comes to making decisions about our lifes journey.
 For some of us independance comes naturally, we are not co-dependant, and we can manage pretty well on our own. For the rest of us it is hard to understand the realities of life outside a home environment. We may find it hard to be independant but what we lack in independance we may have strengths in other areas. With the independant ones, we may find a lack of skill somewhere else.
  The thing that comes to my mind is, "I know it is a wonderful thing if you know the oyster has the pearl in it", in reply to 'the world is your oyster....'. And one day I know if I get to be old I will not be pretty anymore, do not be surprised if you hear me agreeing when someone says something nice about my appearance, because I know it doesn't last.

Gemstone

Change of heart

And here she is again: still working in Opotiki at her fifth job (I know it sounds bad, but the previous jobs were seasonal, so they were due to end anyway).


>>Down the road, about five minutes drive and a ten minutes scoot, I work at the local dairy, with my cousin and the family that owns it (btw they aren't indian). 
 It may not be the "high-heel" job that I was hoping for, or I might not be able to comment on someone's, "small-but-not-really-bum", but (haha) I get to serve the locals and meet new people everyday! I think that is time well spent.


Randomly>It is also calving season; I am helping rear a few angus cows and jersey bulls. It is interesting/hard work, and it takes a lot of thought. But you only get to see the result at the end, and so far it has proven to  be a learning curb, and the lesson applies to more than farming.


So I am going to take the opportunity to become a "tourist", in my home city. I want to go clubbing for the first time, and go bowling at the lanes, take a walk back to Te Papa, and see what I can learn. I can go to Civic Square, and have a look at the City Art Gallery, and see what new/old artist has come to show themselves off. I would like to go out to dinner to that restaurant I remember walking past on the way to school, and go onto the waterfront to go rock-climbing. That sounds like a holiday that deserves an itinerary. 


Yes! I am off to Wellington, (but only for the week), and it will be interesting to see how my perspective of things have changed.
  When I was living in Wellington, I didn't do a lot of constructive things; I would work,  go out and get drunk, and do stupid things with stupid people- that was about it. I never really embraced the city I said I loved so much.              


By the way I have gained about 7 kgs, since January this year, which is good. I don't look fat though... which takes me back. Maybe all those chocolate bar/ mag combos were serving their purpose after all...I think I needed a few extra kgs anyway. Which is cool because now I get my mags for free (except the cover, but it's what's on the inside that counts right?).


Yeah Oh, I'm sure I'll go and see some of the people I used to hang out with......but I wouldn't want them to see me in my size ten jeans ;P


That's all for now folks!
Gemstone

High-heel jobs

Well, it has been a slow year for me, I travelled up to the Eastern Bay, and found myself working for the locals in Opotiki.

I've ventured up here from Wellington to discover and experience "the things I do not want to do with my time".

I have worked in a bar and restaurant, orchards, and given my uncle a hand at plumbing too, except, I don't think cleaning up waste that has come up from the toilet is something I want to do. In fact I do not want to work in a bar, or in an orchard.

At 18 this has proven to be a very valuable lesson.

I want to work in a building filing documents, writing letters, opening mail, receiving and making phone calls & doing research while wearing high heels.

Or even folding clothes, and saying "your bum looks good in those jeans", even though it doesn't, dressing mannequins, making up display windows while wearing high heels.

I'm the type of girl that can sit and read a fashion magazine all-day while eating junk food and not get fat. So why would I want to spent the rest of my days in a place where I feel like I may contract a disease? When I can be out there, quoting July's issue of Cosmopolitan, and seek out what this months 'It' girl wore, for that customer?

Working in a small town like this makes you work out what your potential is, where you feel most comfortable, and what you most enjoy and the reasons for it. You see people who have worked here, slaving away at the job they have been in for years because they have no choice but to be there.I for one do not want to be one of those people.

I now know what suits me, because I definitely know what doesn't.